A few questions answered...

Spent the last two days driving from the east coast to Iowa to spend Christmas with family. Contents of vehicle: 1 Dog (who is staying at Grandma's while we are in Australia), 2 kids, one wife and myself.

Q: Can a kid who can't tie her shoes figure out the weakness of each person in the car and exploit said weakness to maximize irritation?

A: YES.


Q: Is it possible, after eating fast food for two days, for a fan of fast food to think to himself: "Boy, I could go for some fruit and veggies".

A: Yes.

Q: Is it possible to get from Gary, IN to Joliet, IL on interstate 80 without having a at least one traffic jam, costing you at least an hour in transit? EVER?

A: NO


Q: What are the odds the kids will be quiet and nice to each other in said traffic jam?

A: 0.000 (rounded up)


Q: How long will said dog wait to crap IN THE HOUSE of the family he is to stay with for the next five months?

A: Two hours.


No EMS from me for a few weeks, as I'm away from home. No pager. No scanner.

Have a safe week everyone!

DJ

Schools OUT!

Ah, last day of finals yesterday. I'm finished with grading for two out of my three courses. The last will be horrific, as it involves a lot of writing. Serves me right for thinking open-ended thought questions were a good idea...

Continuing on my 419 saga...

Dear Eliot,
Greetings and thanks for your massage.What I meant in my last massage is that %10 of our own share will be for charity purposes because some percentage of the fund will be invested wisely.Also I thank you for your prayers because anything one does without prayers will not work.After your prayers today,try and forward the application to the bank first thing tomorrow morning your time to enable us conclude this tranasction before christmas break.

After you might have send the application to the bank kindly confirm to me immediately to enable me follow it up in the bank.

Best wishes,

Patrick

-------------------
Patrick,

I have sent the information you requested and included your e-mail address in the message. I had a great idea: I asked that the money be sent by cashier's check instead of electronic wire. Plus I asked that any fees be taken out in advance so that things can move as quickly as possible. My understanding is that the government follows electronic transactions even more than paper ones. My hope is that I can spend all of my share on charity. If the government knows about the money, they will take out taxes and then I will have to wait to get them back. If I spend it all right away, I will be able to give even more to charity because it will be tax deductable! The children and animals will get so much more this way. Plus, this way I will be able to send your share back ASAP.

You are such a kind and giving person. Thank you so much for this opportunity. I know we can help a lot of people with this money, but here and in your fine country.

Warm regards,

Eliot.


------------------------

Dear Eliot,
Greetings and thank for your urgent response.I read through your text of application you forwarded to the bank and method of payment of cashier check is a welcome idea.So notify me as soon as the bank respond to your request for further directives.Also I tried to call you today but your telephone line was on answering machine.We can make it some other time.

Best of Luck,

Patrick.

----------------
Note: The "application" asked for all sorts of personal information, and had phone and fax numbers that did not match those of the real bank named in the appliation. I grabed the information for the real bank to use in the post below. Plus, given they clearly are willing to scam me, even if I am not going to keep the money myself, I thought I'd toss in a sick wife and kid for fun...
----------------


Dear Patrick,

The International Commercial Bank, LTD., did contact me and I sent the requested information to the bank. I will let you know as soon as they do respond to me. My office has a directory that lists international banks, and I sent the FAX to the following:

INTERNATIONAL COMMERCIAL BANK LTD.
P. O. Box 20057
Accra - Ghana
Telephone : 233-21-666190/665779
Fax : 233-21-668221
Telex : 2956 ICB NK

If you know anyone there, perhaps you could call and see if my fax arrived? I called and tried to speak with the gentleman who sent me the e-mail, but their was some confusion. Perhaps it is my accent, but they kept saying the man does not work at that bank. They must have misunderstood what I was asking, because clearly he does given he just sent me an e-mail yesterday. Could there be two International Commercial Banks in Ghana? Your country must be very rich indeed. I am very jealous of how much money there seems to be there.

I am sorry to make my e-mail so short, but I must get home. My wife just had a baby and it was very hard on her. They are still not sure if she will live, and the baby is sick as well. Please pray for us. I have shed many tears these last few days.

Your international friend,

Eliot



---------------

Dear Eliot,
Greetings,I am sorry for your Wife condition and I have prayed over it,God will keep them alive in JESUS name AMEN.You see I am not happy with what you did,I told you before we start that this is confidential deal that the secret should remain between I and You that there will be no third party required in this transaction.Also be inform that our Bank have many branches in Ghana You went and contacted our head office without my permission,be warn do not for any reason contact any staff of our bank again without my instruction and put a stop for the contact you have made.

And if you wish to carry out this transaction with me,You have to resend the application to Dr.Tanco Ayoba with his e-mail address as follows; tancoayoba@financier.com He is the International remmitance department director in the branch where this money is deposited.You either act according to my instruction or forget this transaction so that I can look for another trust worthy person to carry out this transaction with.As a matter of urgency declare your stand in this transcation.For further details call me on my telephone number +233-2438 26907.

Awaiting your urgent response.

Best Wishes,

Patrick.


----------------

Hello Patrick,

I am sorry I made a mistake. It will not happen again. Please do not be mad at me. I have been unable to eat all day as I am so worried you are angry with me.

I will send the information to Mr. Ayoba today.

I must go now to check on my wife and baby.

Regards,

Eliot

----
Note: I did send an e-mail to Mr. Ayoba - it is full of random 0's and 1's.

Yes, I know I'm acting like a five-year old with this. I'll grow up someday, I swear.

Finals Week / Playing with Scamers

Finals week. So, of course, intoxicated male call at 0300 on Sunday, 20 some odd hours before finals start. Can you imagine getting so trashed you have to go to the hospital the day before final exams? Me either.

You ever get those "419" scam e-mails? Of course you do. Do you ever reply? I have finally had too much so I've started playing with "Patrick". The exchange started with the typical 419 letter, which I’ll spare you. Below are the e-mails “Patrick” and I (“Eliot Spitzer”) have exchanged to date. FYI: Eliot Spitzer is the New York State Attorney General, and the number listed is for the Attorney General’s New York City office. I am NOT trying to cause Mr. Spitzer's office grief, but I would find it amusing if Patrick were to ask to speak with Mr. Spitzer regarding a 419 scam.

Here is the first e-mail I sent:
----
Patrick,

Thank you so much for your e-mail. I tried calling you, but my phone won't let me dial out of the U.S. I should be able to work as an intermediate in a way that will benefit us both. Please call me at 1-212-416-8000 (you will get one of my assistants, please ask for me directly and do NOT do business with the person answering the phone. She does not have the ability to help you in this important financial matter).

Looking forward to a profitable future together.

Eliot Spitzer

---
And the reply:

Dear Eliot Spitzer,

Greetings,Thanks for your urgent response,What You Should Do Right Away is to Copy Out this Application Email or Fax to the Bank Immediately,So that We Can Possibly Conclude this Fund Transfer Within 10Working Days From the Day You Send the Application to the Bank.And I will Like You To Make Sure You Keep This Transaction Secret,And Moreover If Need any Question You Don't Know,Kindly Ask Me,Because I will Be Guiding Within this Short Period of Fund Transfer
Thanks.

[there was a fax form included, asking for lots of personal and banking information]

---
So, I send back the following:

Dear Patrick,

Before I can send the information you requested I must ask you some questions. I am sure you understand.

Is what we are doing legal? Is it moral? My deep commitments to God, and Jesus Christ (my savior), prevent me from breaking the law or violating any moral code. Please assure me that what you have proposed is OK.

I know you must be a kind and loving man, but I really am worried that what we have discussed is wrong. Do you think I should talk to my tax lawyer about this, or is it best to keep it private?

Warm regards,

Elliot

----
So, I get this back (note: I did NOT give Patrick a “massage”…):

Dear Elliot,
Greetings and thanks for your massage. The answers to your questions is as follows;

Is what we are doing legal?

ANSWER :WHAT WE ARE DOING IS %100 LEGAL BECAUSE OF MY POSITION IN THE BANK AND AS A KNIGHT OF ST JOHN,I CAN NOT INVOLVE MYSELF IN ANYTHING ILLEGAL.

Is it moral? ANSWER :IT IS MORAL AND JUSTIFY BY GOD BECAUSE IT IS GOD WHO CREAT THIS OPPORTUNITY FOR US, AND ALSO SOME PERCENTAGE OF THIS FUND WILL BE FOR CHARITY PURPOSE.

Do you think I should talk to my tax lawyer about this, or is it best to keep it private?
ANSWER: IT IS BEST TO KEEP IT PRIVATE BECAUSE THIS TRANSACATION IS STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL.AND ALSO WE SHALL AQUIRE LEGAL DOCUMENTS TO BACK IT UP.SO WE DONT NEED A THIRD PARTY.IT IS STRICTLY BETWEEN YOU AND I AND GOD.

FINALLY,YOU SHOULD FILL THE APPLICATION AND FORWARD IT TO THE BANK IMMEDIATELY FOR FINAL FUND RELEASE, AND CONFIRM TO ME AFTER YOU SEND THE TEXT OF THE APPLICATION TO THE BANK. AWITING YOUR URGENT RESPONSE,

BEST WISHES,

PATRICK.

----
Ah so. My last reply:

Dear Patrick,

Thank you so much for your thoughtful and helpful reply. I will pray on this tonight.

Would you be able to call me today at 1 (212) 416-8000? I would like to talk to you about ways we could use this money for the good of others. Perhaps we could give it all to charity? Or at least most of it?

Yours in Peace,

Eliot

---------

I'll let you know were it ends...

Who Needs an Ambulance for an Entrapped Patient?

Yesterday started early with two classes and kept going with a full schedule. I forgot to eat breakfast, and had a reasonable lunch (which means I was still hungry…). A campus wide faculty meeting ended about 1730, I stuck around and chatted for a couple of minutes, and then headed to my car, thinking of my wife, kids and lasagna (let’s just pretend that was the order).

As I’m driving home, my pager wakes up, and all I hear is “rescue for evaluation”. As I head to the station, the chief answers up, and I wonder how he got to the station so quickly. Turns out he was there as he KNEW we’d be heading out. HOW did he know? Because it turns out the radio traffic had gone something like this…

Fire and rescue for a small hamlet about 10 minutes from us gets toned out for a “water alarm” at an adult assisted living facility (“It’s not a nursing home”). Upon arrival, rescue reports a patient entrapped in a room with water pouring out from under the door. They ask for an engine and rescue from another fire department for more personnel. Dispatch confirms receipt of this transmission. Time goes by. Rescue then reports to dispatch that they have freed the patient and are awaiting the ambulance (that’d be my agency, who is supposed to be automatically dispatched for any potential medical emergency in this area). The dispatcher then says “Affirmative – Patient free, awaiting [my agency]. Do you want [my agency] alerted?”. I really wish I could have heard all of this, including the fire chief’s response.

Anyway, our rig gets out with a driver, our chief, myself and an EMT-Basic. Our patient is cold and shaken having been submerged in 18 inches of water for who knows how long. The crew and I take the patient to the hospital while the chief stays back to work on an evacuation plan (the whole building is soaked from a pipe break which has disabled the fire sprinkler system).

In the end, we borrowed a school bus and moved 37 patients to a local hotel. While it was a bit crazy at times, it was kind of fun to do something so different than usual.

I did get to eat at 2200.

T-Day Week and Weekend

Had a BUNCH of folks in the house for Thanksgiving. As "he who is in charge of the turkey", I was hoping for a quiet EMS day. Overall things were, and it has been a quiet week. We did have a DOA in a car and an abdominal pain (who didn't have abdominal pain last week?), but nothing really sticks out as a call to remember. I'm awake now as a nearby agency asked for a medic and then cancelled while I was driving down. Woke me up at just the wrong time (no way I'm going back to sleep now...).

Second-to-last week of classes this week, which always means that the students who "wanted to do well this semester" decide it is time to make this known... Little late, eh?

DJ