Finals Week / Playing with Scamers

Finals week. So, of course, intoxicated male call at 0300 on Sunday, 20 some odd hours before finals start. Can you imagine getting so trashed you have to go to the hospital the day before final exams? Me either.

You ever get those "419" scam e-mails? Of course you do. Do you ever reply? I have finally had too much so I've started playing with "Patrick". The exchange started with the typical 419 letter, which I’ll spare you. Below are the e-mails “Patrick” and I (“Eliot Spitzer”) have exchanged to date. FYI: Eliot Spitzer is the New York State Attorney General, and the number listed is for the Attorney General’s New York City office. I am NOT trying to cause Mr. Spitzer's office grief, but I would find it amusing if Patrick were to ask to speak with Mr. Spitzer regarding a 419 scam.

Here is the first e-mail I sent:
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Patrick,

Thank you so much for your e-mail. I tried calling you, but my phone won't let me dial out of the U.S. I should be able to work as an intermediate in a way that will benefit us both. Please call me at 1-212-416-8000 (you will get one of my assistants, please ask for me directly and do NOT do business with the person answering the phone. She does not have the ability to help you in this important financial matter).

Looking forward to a profitable future together.

Eliot Spitzer

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And the reply:

Dear Eliot Spitzer,

Greetings,Thanks for your urgent response,What You Should Do Right Away is to Copy Out this Application Email or Fax to the Bank Immediately,So that We Can Possibly Conclude this Fund Transfer Within 10Working Days From the Day You Send the Application to the Bank.And I will Like You To Make Sure You Keep This Transaction Secret,And Moreover If Need any Question You Don't Know,Kindly Ask Me,Because I will Be Guiding Within this Short Period of Fund Transfer
Thanks.

[there was a fax form included, asking for lots of personal and banking information]

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So, I send back the following:

Dear Patrick,

Before I can send the information you requested I must ask you some questions. I am sure you understand.

Is what we are doing legal? Is it moral? My deep commitments to God, and Jesus Christ (my savior), prevent me from breaking the law or violating any moral code. Please assure me that what you have proposed is OK.

I know you must be a kind and loving man, but I really am worried that what we have discussed is wrong. Do you think I should talk to my tax lawyer about this, or is it best to keep it private?

Warm regards,

Elliot

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So, I get this back (note: I did NOT give Patrick a “massage”…):

Dear Elliot,
Greetings and thanks for your massage. The answers to your questions is as follows;

Is what we are doing legal?

ANSWER :WHAT WE ARE DOING IS %100 LEGAL BECAUSE OF MY POSITION IN THE BANK AND AS A KNIGHT OF ST JOHN,I CAN NOT INVOLVE MYSELF IN ANYTHING ILLEGAL.

Is it moral? ANSWER :IT IS MORAL AND JUSTIFY BY GOD BECAUSE IT IS GOD WHO CREAT THIS OPPORTUNITY FOR US, AND ALSO SOME PERCENTAGE OF THIS FUND WILL BE FOR CHARITY PURPOSE.

Do you think I should talk to my tax lawyer about this, or is it best to keep it private?
ANSWER: IT IS BEST TO KEEP IT PRIVATE BECAUSE THIS TRANSACATION IS STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL.AND ALSO WE SHALL AQUIRE LEGAL DOCUMENTS TO BACK IT UP.SO WE DONT NEED A THIRD PARTY.IT IS STRICTLY BETWEEN YOU AND I AND GOD.

FINALLY,YOU SHOULD FILL THE APPLICATION AND FORWARD IT TO THE BANK IMMEDIATELY FOR FINAL FUND RELEASE, AND CONFIRM TO ME AFTER YOU SEND THE TEXT OF THE APPLICATION TO THE BANK. AWITING YOUR URGENT RESPONSE,

BEST WISHES,

PATRICK.

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Ah so. My last reply:

Dear Patrick,

Thank you so much for your thoughtful and helpful reply. I will pray on this tonight.

Would you be able to call me today at 1 (212) 416-8000? I would like to talk to you about ways we could use this money for the good of others. Perhaps we could give it all to charity? Or at least most of it?

Yours in Peace,

Eliot

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I'll let you know were it ends...