Wednesday, July 12

I am Dead and it Still Hurts

My wife and I are in the process of making a rather large purchase. To achieve this, we need to borrow money. Our credit is very good historically, but we are having a bit of a problem... I AM DEAD.

Well, I do not FEEL dead. I've seen dead. I've smelled dead. I know dead. I even know "almost dead" and "soon gonna be dead". It is my honest opinion as an Advanced Emergency Medical Technician that I, DJ, am not dead.

Turns out my evaluation of my "dead status" matters much less to the credit agencies than this one fact: When I canceled a phone line with Verizon they reported to several agencies that the account was closed because I am deceased. When I get cynical I wonder if this happened so that the call taker didn't "loss an account".

What I have learned recently:

1) It is nearly impossible to talk to a human at a credit agency UNLESS you want to talk to them about buying one of their products. If you want actual help, you are supposed to do that online. I spent HOURS on the phone yesterday.

2) There is a lot of information on how to dispute an "error". In most cases, where you have a "negative report" there is supposed to be a link next to it to dispute it.

3) Being dead is not seen as being negative. There is no online or phone option (in the depths of "push this button" menu hell) for disputing your death.

4) Humans at the credit agencies are relucant to help me because, among other things, I AM DEAD. I guess I understand. Speaking to the dead makes me nervous as well.

There are NO negative reports on our credit history, but the agencies will not provide a credit score for a dead man. They will not let me be alive without written information being snail-mailed to them and them taking 30 to 60 days to act on that information. So Verizon can press a button on a computer and I am dead. Without anyone calling, mailing, e-mailing or otherwise kindly asking ANYTHING about me. Note, Verizon sill receives income from me every month for land line phones, cell phone and DSL service. Since I am DEAD, do I get to stop paying them?

In any event, If you have a spare $70k sitting around give me a call. I may be dead, but I pay back my loans...