Tuesday, June 14

Routine? How hard can it be.

Below, un-edited, is the bed-time routine for my daughter, as typed by my wife who is going out for the night. It'd likely be easier to defuse a car bomb...

Sadie’s Bedtime Routine 6/05

She pees and brushes teeth in bathroom (she can use Fairly Oddparents toothpaste, but make sure she spits!);

While she’s doing these things, I put juice cup and lambies on the floor next to her Spongebob towel;

She lies down on towel in bedroom, I put her diaper on (and switch her into PJ’s if she’s going to wear them);

We lie on floor and read the three books next to the rocking chair (she picks the order. For Mr. Bumble book, she says the answers and turns the page).

She puts her pillow on the rocking chair, then turns on the humidifier. Then I carry her to the dresser, where she turns on the music. Then, I put her down and she turns off the overhead light and turns on the ceiling fan.

After this, I hold her in the rocking chair and sing two songs to her:

Hush Little Sadie, don’t say a word,
Daddy’s gonna buy you a mockingbird,
If that mockingbird won’t sing,
Daddy’s gonna buy you a diamond ring.
If that diamond ring won’t shine,
Daddy’s gonna buy you a Clementine.
If that Clementine tastes like oak,
Daddy’s gonna buy you a billy goat.
If that billy goat’s milk turns sour,
Daddy’s gonna buy you a pretty flower.
I love you and you love me,
And that’s the way it’s always going to be.

Hey, look me over, lend me an ear,
Fresh out of clover, mortgaged up to here.
But don’t pass the plate, folks, don’t pass the cup,
I figure whenever you’re down and out the only way is up
And I’ll be up like a rosebud, high on the vine,
Don’t thumb your nose, bud, take a tip from mine.
I’m a little bit short of the elbow room, but let me get me some,
And look out world, here I come.

After this, we put pillow and juice cup in crib, she holds lambies. I stand by the crib and hold her and sing the “Happy Birthday” song to her. After I say …”dear SADIE…” she says, ”I didn’t hear you,” and I say “What?!” and then sing it again really fast while rocking her fast. Then we sing “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star,” and I put her in the crib.

She likes to have her pink quilted teddy bear blanket (the one from Emily) on top of her inside the sleeping bag (which I zip up to about her armpits), with the Spongebob towel and other blanket on top of the sleeping bag.

When I leave the room, she says “Night night, bye bye,” and I repeat this and then close the door. She says “Night night, bye bye” again, and I open the door and say, “Last time.” She says it again and I close the door. She says it again and I open the door and say, “No more times after this.” She says it once more and I close the door – that should do it!

Two options at this point: 1) go downstairs and drink; 2) collapse on the bed. They are not mutually exclusive.